Junior "The pride of Rutgers. Slits his wrists in the faculty lounge. After he stabbed the dean."

Professor Lynch "At least some of us know when we need help."

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Junior "Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. 'I guess I'll have to spread my legs now,' she says. 'Why?' he asks. Don't you have a vase?"

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Beansie "This maniac threw a vat of hot oil right from the zeppole stand on this person."

Paulie "Some powdered sugar, he woulda been done."